By Melissa Davis
The leaves were turning auburn when she got the news in the fall. She had held her breath and crossed her fingers before she dared dream this moment would come, but it had. The moment she found out about the little one growing inside her, her dreams spread wings and flew higher than she ever imagined. She almost had given up on this lifetime. She knew that her past lives were filled with desperation as she had never had the joy of a child in any of them. She was not going to let this one go. She would do whatever she could to make sure this one survived.
She did everything she was supposed to and then some. She cut out all the caffeine, even though she had guzzled it down since she had entered college. She avoided the lunchmeat, the pineapples, even the peanut butter. She took all her vitamins each day just as she should. She did it all with a grace and love that came so easy to her. She wanted more than anything to hold a child of her own.
Her life before was traumatic. There was no other way to describe it. When she had the chance to leave it all behind she left and never came back to where it started. She met a truly wonderful man that loved her more than she ever thought she deserved. They had come together so easily and their differences made them closer. He was everything she needed and sometimes more than she ever thought she would ever have. They even had the fairytale wedding that she never let herself imagine. When she was finally safe, she had done so much healing so that someday she would be a better mother. She wanted her child to never feel afraid, to be safe in her own skin and know that she was more than good enough, she was everything.
The day her water broke she entered the hospital excited to be there, happy to greet the nurses, and anxious to get the show on the road. She stayed calm, as calm as still water on a morning lake. A few hours of pitocin, the repeated placement of the epidurals, none of these things ruined her calm. She would have a child, she would not let her past lives predict her future. When she was finally ready to push, she pushed with every breath in her body, but it was not enough. Her child was not going to come out naturally. The doctor was called and she was prepped for her first major surgery of her life.
She held her breath when her child was pulled out of her. She tensed up waiting for the most important sound in the world. She almost cried when she heard it. The first audible wail from her tiny little girl. She was so beautiful, tiny and wrinkled. It was never so easy to fall in love, but this little miracle was lifetimes of dreams and she was worth every one. Dreams do come true. They mold and shape and turn into things you never imagined and sent you down paths you were afraid to walk. She would never let her past define her future again.